I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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