i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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