I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
