It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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