he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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