Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
