Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
