wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
