I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
