oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
