I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
