I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
