She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
