your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
