apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
