yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize