apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
