i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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