please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I need moral support for this bender
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
