You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
