Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
