we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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