I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
