Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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