Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
