Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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