I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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