I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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