why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
