Four minutes until I can fart!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
