i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
