I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
