Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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