so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
