He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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