we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
