Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
