Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
