I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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