Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
