...so i touched it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
