he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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