hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
