I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
