i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
