just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
