I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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