Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
