i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
