It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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