i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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