If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
