Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
