You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
