oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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