It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
