Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
