fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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