Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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