You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
