i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
