So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
