I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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