i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dear god my vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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