there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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