im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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