If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
