Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
