his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
