Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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