that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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