bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
