Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
