imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
