my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
