i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
