There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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