found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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