angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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