Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
