i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
