i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
