the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
