We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
