so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we're so committed to being not committed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
