Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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