My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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