weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
