im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
