kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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