I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
