her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
