I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Will exercising make me less horny?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
