No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
