Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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