Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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