i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just gargled with NyQuil
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
