dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
