By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
