theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
