Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
