Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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