8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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