I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
