I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
