She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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