and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
