morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
