Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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