he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
