I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
