Tell her she can't have a vagina
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
