It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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