I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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