I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
