I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
